How do you feel about your body?
Do you love it, wanna squeeze it, hug it and call it Pooky or do you want to trade it in for a new one?
If you had asked me this question years ago, I would have 100% said, “let’s trade it in. Who wants this piece of junk?”
It still baffles me how much Boudoir has taught me to appreciate myself and my body.
This is from one of the times I was at my heaviest & also a time when I mostly avoided the camera. Took some digging to find this photo.
My weight has always fluctuated my entire life, I’ve been 115lbs all the way up to 210 lbs. (Don’t mind my brother creeping in the background haha)
I keep thinking about the person I was before I started all this and how she felt about herself. I want to grab a time machine, shake the shit out of her and tell her there is no need to feel that way.
“There’s no need to think you’re a piece of crap because you THINK you’re ugly!”
I would tell her, “LOOKS DON’T DEFINE YOUR WORTH!” Even though she probably wouldn’t have believed me.
It’s odd to think an image can change how you see yourself. Some people believe Boudoir is only sexy photos when in reality, it’s an entire mindset. It teaches you about loving and accepting yourself. Loving your imperfections, embracing your scars, the extra weight, or the skin you’ve struggled to keep clear for what feels like forever.
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Before I would NEVER have shown these images to ANYONE! But this is my skin. Unfiltered & no makeup. I’ve been struggling with acne since I graduated high school.
I remember not wanting to leave my house without makeup.
I worried everyone only thought I was pretty if I covered up my face.
Because I only felt pretty when I covered up my face.
It wasn’t something worth showing if it wasn’t naturally beautiful. Or what I was lead to believe was naturally beautiful.
Most of the time, all those negative feelings I thought everyone else was supposedly thinking were just my own feelings about myself. Just because I felt that way didn’t mean everyone else did.
And Boudoir helped me realize that IF people are really thinking those things, who gives a shit about them anyway?
I DONT NEED THEM!
YOU DONT NEED THEM!
Surround yourself with people who will lift you up and be there for you. Not bring you down and make you feel like shit.
Acknowledging and accepting these facts were the first steps to a refreshing change.
This photo was taken after my daughter was born. I was 210 lbs. Except, I had already started my boudoir journey & looked at it differently than I had when I was younger.
I embraced the extra weight because I loved why I had it. I had only given birth a month earlier. My body gave me two little miracles, and that’s all I cared about.
Can you see the difference between the genuine smile in this photo and the fake smile in the first? I still had a long way to go at this point, but no one ever said change happens overnight.
I struggled with who I was. I dealt with depression, held in my emotions, and pretended everything was okay when it wasn’t okay. I WASN’T OKAY. Boudoir literally changed my life. I’m not saying it will do the same thing for you. I’m just telling you what it’s done for me. And many other women.
I know where my insecurities stem from. Growing up, I didn’t have many friends; I moved around so much, and no matter where I was, I felt like I never fit in.
There was always something wrong with me. I was never good enough.
I was either the fat girl, the new girl, avoided for being the white girl, or cast out because I was Puerto Rican. I’ve seen many sides of hate and judgment from people. It really broke me and affected my entire life.
I was really good at pretending I felt good.
Or maybe I wasn’t so good at it. I don’t know; I struggled a lot.
And I still struggle sometimes. But not as much. I’ve learned how to deal with those emotions and recognize them. Look in the mirror and say out loud, “I am beautiful,” “I am good enough,” and “I know who I am!” scream it if I have to!
Even if I don’t believe it that day.
Because it really does help.
It’s crazy. How much your perspective can change everything.
I watched this documentary the other night about how our energies are connected.
And I’ve always believed that energy is connected, but I have never heard it explained scientifically.
Basically, we’re all made up of atoms and inside those atoms is energy. Since we were initially created from the same energy, that energy is constantly connected. That’s how holistic healers can heal and how when someone smiles at you, you immediately want to smile back. The energy you put out there helps heal others, makes others happy, and helps you heal yourself.
It’s a scientific fact. I think.
And if it’s not, it’s just something that I really, truly, honestly 100% believe.
If your energy consists of bettering yourself, eating healthier, or making goals like, “say one thing I love about myself every day, out loud,” or “get at least 10 minutes of fresh air.” All these things help care for your body and mind. Once you begin to heal on the inside, you start to heal on the outside.
Boudoir has helped me realize all of this.
It’s crazy how you might come into it thinking it’s only about the sexy pictures. It’s not.
It’s about changing the way you see yourself.
Feeling like you belong & the sexy photos are just a bonus!